writing: his eyes are like doves upon brooks of water.

His Eyes Are Like Doves Upon Brooks of Water – Catholic Stand (Februrary 2025)

All my life I have been looking for love. I did not know what this love was. All I knew was there was a love in this world which existed and I did not have it. I was so lost and abused. Where was this love? I knew there was something more. I did not know where to find it. All I knew was that there was something I was missing and I was yearning deeply for it with every ounce of my being.

In elementary school, I remember asking to be a Christian. I did not really know anything about Christianity. When asking to be a Christian in childhood, I was told no but I had a children’s Bible that I loved reading every night. It was so beautiful, with all the pictures and colors. I asked for that Bible to be read to me every night. Unfortunately, that Bible disappeared from my room. I forgot about it.

I went about my childhood lost after that, forgetting that I had even asked to be a Christian. I did not have a strong family presence, and I tried to look to my friends to see how to act but they were not religious either. So, I continued to be lost, abused, and confused.

I wanted to know God. How much I wanted to simply be a godly Christian girl. During these times of difficulty in my life, I did not have anyone to turn to. I did not have a healthy family to learn from. My friends were not so healthy either (I do love the family and friends I have had throughout my life anyway and I bless them). The world around me was lost, too. All I knew is the life of the world: for example, the lifestyle of those on popular TV shows.

Did I want that lifestyle? I did not know anything else existed.  I thought everyone in the world lived lives like what was portrayed on the TV shows. I did not know that was “lost”. I struggled. I did not have any direction. I did not have a strong support system. I did not have anyone really caring for me. I yearned for more. I yearned for love. I continued to be lost for years- lost, abused and in darkness. I did not know there was something brighter.

Once I turned eighteen, thoughts of religion entered my mind again. I started to yearn for God. However, I did not know who God was and where I could find Him. I was confused and did not know what way to turn. My “friends” were lost, too. The people around me were people of the world, also lost, each in their own way.

Around the age of twenty-one, I had decided to become a Christian.  I had read online that being a Christian involves being baptized and I started to search into that. I am not sure what exactly happened, but it did not all come together in that year.

Around the age of twenty-four to twenty-six, I went through the process of being baptized and slowly learning about Christianity and changing my life. By the time I was in the middle of my twenty-fifth year, all I wanted was God and I had given my life entirely to serving God. All I wanted was more of God. All I wanted was to spend all my time in church. I worked during the day and always listened to worship music in the background while working. In my breaks and lunches, I would go off on my own and read the Bible on my phone and pray. On my car rides to and from work, all I did was pray and read the Bible. I went to church every Sunday and went to a few classes and groups each week at the church. I loved everything about church. I never wanted to look back.

I moved to a warmer location with a strong Christian presence and immersed myself in a beautiful and healthy Christian lifestyle. I spent every day at church and I gave my every moment to God. I knew I had finally found the love I was looking for.

Today, I am now still a baby Christian, a Catholic. I have been Christian since 2014 or so and I became a Catholic in 2019. About ten years total. And I am so thankful. I am still in love with God.

Oh, my God, how thankful I am that You saved me. Me, the lost, abused little girl that was in the midst of darkness. Me, the nobody that no one really seemed to care about. Me, the ordinary girl that nothing was really special about. Me, the confused girl that had a life of abuse. Oh, my God, how in love with You I am. I am sorry for all my sins.

You are so beautiful, God. When I look at You, I do not want anything else. I want to live in Your Heart. I want to go deep in Your Heart and get lost in Your Love. You are the only one in my life that has fully been there for me. You are the only one who has fully loved me. My Father, my God, I love being Your little child. I am so thankful that You converted me. I am so thankful that You love me. I am so thankful that You are teaching me how to fully follow You. I want to come to Heaven soon. I want to delve into Your Love even more. All I want is You, Oh God. You make me alive.

My beloved is all radiant and ruddy,    distinguished among ten thousand.His head is the finest gold;    his locks are wavy,    black as a raven.His eyes are like doves    beside springs of water,bathed in milk,    fitly set (Song of Solomon 5:10-12 RSVCE).